so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
