thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
