i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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