but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
