U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
