My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
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Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
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Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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