a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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