I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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