omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
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Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
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How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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