Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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