The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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