I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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