Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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