do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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