and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
