People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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