your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Boobs are out for the taking
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
