when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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