Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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