He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
my liver is dry heaving
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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