I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm too high and old for this...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
