the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
