I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
