There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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