Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
