dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
