drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
