If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
