don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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