Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
