Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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