I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
