Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
