Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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