census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize