i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My penis needs a shock collar
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
