u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
