he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
