you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
