i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I touched a dick in church today
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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