When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We're too hungover to prance.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
