I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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