dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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