if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
