I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My vagina is very pro this idea
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
