Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
