It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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