she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
