who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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