just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
