perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
