I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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