Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.

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(912): View more from Georgia

you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.

(919): View more from North Carolina

That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.

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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(813): View more from Florida

the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'

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(501): View more from Arkansas

I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes

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(406): View more from Montana

Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT

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(304): View more from West Virginia

They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger

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(847): View more from Illinois

Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door

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