Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
