just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The beer is more important than you right now.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"