The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
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Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
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Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.