i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.