I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
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she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
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you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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