So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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