well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
