What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
