Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
