good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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