She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
