you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
