I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
