I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
