saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
