I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
