im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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