hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
