it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
