Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
