Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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