best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize