There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize