why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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