God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
