the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
