yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
