i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
