I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
