Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
