I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
