you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
