I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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