try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
