I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
