Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
