what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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